iHurt
by the skittle eating polar bear
Summary: Sam doesn't see the point in living no more. Life sucks. Can a certain person change that for her?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own ICarly**

**Warning: Contains Mention of Rape Abuse Self Harm and Suicide... You sick people :D**

**General POV**

Sam Puckett walked through the city of Seattle late at night. It was cold and raining but she didn't care. The rain actually made her feel good. It disguised her tears from those around her. She'd not told anyone but recently she'd been depressed and no matter what she tried nothing helped. The boy she loved hated her, her mother's new husband Bill abused her and recently raped her, she felt guilty for hiding her cuts from her best friends. When she went to bed at night she would think about ways to kill herself. She would cry herself to sleep every night and wake up with a fake smile plastered on her face. She was determined to never let people discover her real feelings or it could make things even worse. As she walked up to her front door, her hand began to shake with fear not knowing what she would enter to. Her Mum and Bill would probably be passed out drunk by now since it's almost midnight but there is always a little feeling they'll be stood there waiting for her. She slowly unlocks the door and takes small slow steps in, looking around and jumping at any little noise. She makes her way in to the main room and finds her mum stood there with booze in hand drinking vodka straight from the bottle.

"Where've you been?" Pam spits in her daughters face.

"At Carly's" Sam mumbles back without looking up from the ground.

"Just be glad Bill isn't here to punish you, you know what happens when you're late home now get upstairs." Pam shouts and Pushes her daughter in the direction of the stairs.

Sam runs upstairs and slams her bedroom door shut, falling onto the mattress on the floor. Her mother never gave her a real bed just a mattress and a drawer for her clothes, that's all she was allowed. She brings her knees to her chest and tears start streaming down her face. Once again she turns to the only way she can make herself feel better.

**Sam's POV**

I lift the corner of my mattress up and pull out my razor blade and blood covered tower. I roll my sleeve up exposing my other scars. I put the blade to my wrist and slice it across watching blood drip off my skin. Tears fall down my cheeks and I repeat the same action over and over. I add 4 more cuts to my wrist then wrap the towel around my wrist to soak up the blood. I hide the blade back under my mattress, I hear my phone vibrate in my pocket and take it out. It's Carly calling. I decline her call because I know she'll be able to tell I'm crying from my voice. I lay down on my mattress and close my eyes. I'm trying to fall to sleep but it's hard. I have all these thoughts run round in my head. Nobody cares about me, nobody would care if I wasn't here and I don't blame them. Why should they care, I'm just a failure, bad at everything, I don't blame them for all hating me.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: MY NEW STORY! I am so psyched about this one I'm hoping to make it better than IAnorexia. Again this is talking about a few issues I've had to deal with and the one thing I hate is reviews judging people like me. This is just like my last story because it's me trying to get a message across again. I've been through some bad times in life and I write stories like this because I want to help others like me. Please review and tell me if you like the idea for the story and how i could improve. Follow me on Twitter crazyforskittle and I will bring Freddie into this story in a couple of chapters. Laters. :) :) :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own ICarly**

**Sam's POV**

I wake up the next day and get out of 'bed'. I feel the sharp sting in my wrist from my newest cuts. I go over to my drawers and pull out some clothes that I'm pretty sure need washing and change. It's 11 and Bill normally gets here around 11:20 so I need to leave before then. I walk out into the living room and find my mum passed out in the chair and smashed glass all over the floor. I sneak past her and run out the door as fast as I can hoping not to wake her. As I close the door I see Bills car pulling up down the road and I know if he sees me he will beat me again so I run down the road in the opposite way. I run so fast that I'm pretty sure I stopped breathing and I make my way across town to Carly's.

**Freddie's POV**

I'm sat in Carly's apartment watching TV, Carly and Spencer both went to groovy smoothie and they said I could stay here because I'm trying to avoid my mum. I hear someone banging on the door over and over obviously desperate to get in so I unlock the door to Sam. Not the normal Sam though. She looks pale and out of breath and a little scared, she looks on the verge of tears. She pushes me out of the way and enters the apartment locking the door and putting the chain on before walking over and sitting on the couch.

"Hey dork, what are you doing here?" She asks me in between breathes

"I was just hanging out, what's wrong?" I ask her placing my hand on her shoulder which is returned with an evil death glare.

"Off." She shouts, shaking her shoulder free.

She seems to be scared of my touch, it's like she thinks I'm going to hurt her.

"Sam, what's happened?" I ask her. "You look scared."

"I'm fine nub, just leave me alone."

She stands up and walks into the kitchen to the fridge and starts rummaging through for food.

I can tell there's something not right but I know she's not going to talk to me, there's no point in trying.

**Sam's POV**

Why did he have to be here? I just want to escape from people making me feel bad about myself, but no he's here. Reminding me that no matter how much I hope he's never going to feel the same about me. He even knows that there's something wrong but he doesn't care enough to try find out, he asked me once and then just left it. Didn't try force it out of me or anything. Not that I would have told him but it would be nice to know that he actually cared a little. I feel so pathetic being so into someone who hates me and doesn't care the slightest bit for me. He keeps looking over at me with those big brown dumb eyes, I'm scared to look directly into them or I might end up falling even more for him, if that's even possible. Even now I feel stupid, he's never going to love me I'm stupid and worthless. I finally pull my head out of the fridge after pretending to look for food and turn around to see him staring at me again.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I ask him.

"Like what?" He laughs.

Then he just stares at me, even though it's from across the room I can feel all the tension building up. He opens his mouth to say something and just as he's about to speak Carly and Spencer walk through the door. I never thought this would happen but I actually want to kill Carly Shay right now. I'm so interested in what he wanted to say. Guess I'll never find out now.

This keeps happening, I get my hopes up for something and wait for something to happen then just as it's about to something comes along and ruins it. Story of my life. It's like every day I feel I'm living a punishment the only thing is I don't know what I'm being punished for.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Chapter 2 already? I'm pretty proud for uploading so quick. Hope the readers of IAnorexia like this story just as much. Please review and let me know what you think of this story. I do listen to your comments even if there telling me it sucks and giving me ways to make it better, what i can't stand is when I get people just saying "it's crap" and "Downer". Is there really a point to that? If you're just gunna hate then don't read. Please review tell me what you think, and how I can make it better. Follow me on twitter crazyforskittle :) Laters :) :) :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly**

**General POV**

After spending the rest of the day with her friends, Sam made her way back home. She had no idea what welcome she would get off her mother. She just hoped that Bill wasn't there. As she opened the door she saw Pam across the room passed out on the couch, she gave a sigh of relief and made her way up to her bedroom. She lays down on her bed and starts to fall asleep. Just as she feels her eyes close her phone vibrates in her pocket and she takes it out. It's Freddie calling her. It takes her a minute to decide what to do but in the end she ignores the call and places her phone at the side of her bed and lays back down.

**Sam's POV**

I'm woken up the next day by loud noises coming from the other room. I hear shouting and things getting smashed. When I hear Bill's voice that's when I start to panic, the fact that he's drunk and obviously angry doesn't help. I know when I walk out there he is going to hurt me. The beatings I can take but I'm terrified that he will rape me again. He's only ever raped me once about 2 weeks ago but that made me even more afraid of him than I was before. I was terrified that he would do it again because I know I wouldn't be able to take it again.

I get out of bed and pulls a t-shirt and jeans on. I poke my head out the door keeping a look out for Bill and Mum. It's all clear so I run up to the front door and grab hold of the handle. As I go to turn it I feel a hand on my shoulder. I freeze with fear and slowly spin around.

"You didn't think you could get away without saying goodbye did you Sammy?"

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Two chapters in one day, pretty impressive! I know that my chapters are short but I normally write short chapters and upload often. Now I'm going to bed cause it's late and I'm going on holiday tomorrow so I have to get up in 2 hours. That was some pretty pointless information. Please review this story I really want to know what you think cause at the minute I feel like I'm writing to like 4 people. Follow me on twitter crazyforskittle Laters :) :) :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly**

**Sam's POV**

I sat down on the park bench my hands shaking. I can feel the blood dripping off of my head. He was so angry today, just by the grip on my shoulder I could tell it was going to be bad. I can barely move my arms it's so painful. He just pushed me down to the ground and kicked me over and over, then when he was done he pulled me back to stand up and shoved me into the counter. That's how I got the cut on my head from hitting my head on the counter. I don't know where I'm supposed to go now, I can't go back home they've only just let me free if I go back they'll just hurt me again I can't go back until tonight, they're going away for a couple of days so I will be safe but I need somewhere until then. I can't go to Carly's not looking like this, she'll know something's wrong and will just question me about all this. I don't know what to do no more. I can't escape from this pain. Nobody even cares about me. Right now I don't see the point of anything, talking, breathing or even living. What's the point in living in pain when you have the option of not living at all?

**Freddie's POV**

I walked into Carly's apartment late at night after getting a weird text from her. It just said there was an emergency and she needed me to come across now. As soon as I walked through the door she ran up to me crying.

"Carly! What's wrong?" I ask now panicking.

"Sam!" She shouts back in my face.

"What's wrong with Sam?" I ask her.

"Listen!" She shouts and passes me her phone and I play the voicemail.

All I can hear is a crying girls voice, it takes me a minute to realise but that crying girl is Sam.

"Wait what is this?" I ask even though I already know.

"It's Sam, I think it's a suicide message!" She cries. "Spencer" She shouts as loud as she can.

Spencer runs out looking worried. It's obvious Carly's tone alarmed him.

"What is it?" He asks.

"You need to drive us over to Sam's." She says grabbing her Jacket. "Now!" She screams when she notices neither of us are moving.

"Why?" He asks.

"I think she's trying to kill herself!" Carly screams obviously annoyed we've not left yet.

Spencer grabs his keys and heads to the door me and Carly following.

"Call an ambulance on the way over." Spencer says as he opens the door.

We rush out of the apartment down the stairs and out to the car.

In the car all these thoughts go round in my head.

Why didn't I do anything the other day. She was obviously upset and I just ignored it. What can make her so sad she doesn't want to live no more? When we get to her house will she even be alive?

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Cliffhanger! Hope you like this chapter it's probably the most dramatic so far, I'm not exactly great at Dramatic scenes so sorry if it sucked. It might take me a couple of days to upload the next chapter because it's going to be really dramatic and I want to make sure it's good before I upload it. Please review cause at the minute it feels like I'm writing to like 4 people and I want to know what you think of it. Follow me on twitter crazyforskittle Laters :) :) :) **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly**

**Spencer's POV**

Carly and Freddie ran out of the car and up to Sam's front door, I follow them up but nobody is answering.

"Is there a spare key?" Freddie asks.

"It's in the plant!" Carly shouts.

I grab the key and open the door, Carly and Freddie rush inside.

"Sam!" Carly screams so loud I'm sure the neighbours will have heard.

"Come on." I say pushing past them to look around the house.

Carly rushes into the kitchen and Freddie and I look around the living room.

**Carly's POV**

I run into the kitchen and find Sam in tears smashing through the cupboards not caring what she knocks on the floor.

"Sam?"

"Where are they? I can't find them!" She shouts tears flooding down her face.

"What are you looking for?" I ask her

"The pills, the sleeping pills, I can't find them!" She screams still smashing through the cupboards.

She seriously wants to kill herself. This is the first time it's really hit me. I also notice there's a lot of bruises on her arms and a cut on her face. I didn't even notice Sam had found the pills in the cupboard.

"Sam, don't!" I scream as I try tackling her for the bottle.

Freddie and Spencer walk up to the door just as the pill bottle breaks and they scatter out on the floor.

"What did you do?" Sam screams as she starts hitting my arms obviously blaming me.

Then she just breaks down on the floor. She sits down and hugs her knees crying so much she can hardly breathe.

I sit at the side of her and hug her as two ambulance people join Freddie and Spencer.

How could I have not seen this? My best friend is in pain and I never even realized if she hadn't left me that voice mail she would be dead right now.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Drama! I kept getting messages to upload this asap so I did so it might not be the best. I'm never good at writing dramatic scenes so lets just hope it didn't suck entirely. Please review so I know what you thought of this chapter and how you want this story to go from here. Go check out peace12 story "we didn't break up" it's amazing. Thanks DannySamLover20 for reviewing on every chapter so far. I'm so glad you like it. Follow me on twitter crazyforskittle I will follow back. Laters :) :) :) :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.**

**Freddie's POV**

This is terrible. I'm sat in the hospital waiting room just waiting for news of how Sam is. They're checking over her injuries make sure nothings broken. I can't believe things got so bad that she tried to kill herself. Carly and Spencer left a little earlier. They saw Sam but she was asleep because they gave her some drugs that made her fall asleep. They offered to take me home but I wanted to stick around wait for her to wake up, I really need to talk to her. Now she's awake and just seeing a doctor so I'll be able to talk to her soon.

**Sam's POV**

I'm laid in a hospital bed half asleep because of this weird drug they've given me. I feel terrible. I daren't even face anyone. I never expected my plan to fail so I never thought about facing people if it did. I didn't really think all that crossed my mind was take a few pills and then that would be it. The doctor talked to me about all my cuts and bruises. They're going to try make it possible for me to live with Carly. They said that I have a visitor and they've just gone to get them. I'm guessing it's Carly. I'm so embarrassed, Carly Spencer and Freddie all saw me break down.

I hear a knock at the door and Freddie enters looking a little scared. He doesn't say a word just pulls a chair up and sits at the side of the bed. His eyes are all red and it looks like he's been crying. He just sits there and stares at me, the room's full of tension. Awkward. I need to speak and end this awkward silence.

"You going to talk anytime soon?" I ask him laughing a little trying to make it less awkward between us.

"Sorry." He replies moving the chair a little closer to my bed. "I just have no idea what to say." He says going back into thought leaving us in another awkward silence.

"Why'd you do it Sam?" He asks me after spending a long time building up the courage to ask.

"You know what I think I preferred the silence." I say turning away to look at the wall. He doesn't reply just stays sat there. After a couple of minutes I feel a warm hand on top of mine and I turn to look back at him. He gives my hand a little squeeze and smiles his gorgeous smile at me.

"You don't have to stay overnight, they're letting you go."

"Great, I can leave and go where exactly? It's late so Carly and Spencer won't be awake to let me stay there."

"You can stay at mine…"

"Yeah cause crazy would let me."

"She's not here, she's gone out of town for a couple of weeks, so you've got no excuse now."

**Freddie's POV**

We walk through my front door, I've had my arm around Sam the whole way home cause she's still a little sleepy from the drugs she was given. She walks over onto the couch and Lays down on the couch and hisses as she feels pain in her legs.

"What are you doing?" I ask her.

"Going to sleep."

"You're in pain you can't sleep on the couch, you can stay in my bed."

"No, I can't take your bed, I'm fine out here."

"Sam…"

She flashes a smile at me and makes her way into my room.

"There are some joggers and a t-shirt on my chair you can put them on." I shout through.

"Thanks." She shouts back.

**Sam's POV**

I wake up the next morning to the smell of bacon. I slowly climb out of bed and make my way into the Benson's living room. Freddie is stood in the kitchen making bacon sandwiches.

"Hi…" He says walking around the counter to stand right in front of me.

"Carly wanted me to get her when you wake up; she wants to talk to you so I'll just go get her…" He says and heads towards the door. I grab his wrist to stop him.

"Don't!" I shout. "I don't want to talk to her…"

"You need to talk about yesterday…" He whispers taking my hand in his and leading me over to the couch sitting me down and sitting down beside me.

"Is Carly mad at me?" I ask not taking my eyes of the ground.

"No, course she's not mad at you Sam, she's just worried about you just like Spencer and I"

"You don't need to be, I'm fine really."

"So yesterday when you tried to kill yourself you were fine were you…"

I don't know how to answer that, I move a little further away from him and he just grabs my hand to stop me moving any further.

"Sorry…" He whispers. "We can't just pretend it didn't happen though."

"I know." I mumble.

"So the bruises, what happened?"

I take a deep breath and begin explaining everything to him.

"My mum and Bill, they like to hurt me. Whenever I'm home they hit me or push me into walls sometimes they do a lot worse."

"Sam…"

"I don't need your pity, OK" I shout.

"I don't pity you; I just don't understand why you didn't tell anybody."

"Who could I tell? Nobody would have done anything, nobody cares about me!" I shout feeling the tears building up in my eyes.

"Is that what you think?" He asks me and I just turn away and pull my hand away from his. " That's not true, what about Carly, Spencer or even me. We all care about you."

He takes my hand again and moves so close to me I'm almost in his lap.

"Anything else happen?" He asks.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Did they ever do anything else to you?" He asks me hesitating a little.

"He did." I mumble hoping he will drop the subject.

"What'd he do Sam?" He asks me. I can tell by his voice he's determined to find out now. I hesitate because I really don't want to get into a conversation about the rape but I realise he's going to keep asking me until I tell him.

"He raped me." I whisper.

Tears start escaping my eyes and stream down my face, my hands start to shake because the blank expression I'm getting from Freddie is really scaring me.

"He raped you?" He stutters.

"Yeah…" I reply trying to be tough and hide my tears. There's no point really since he saw me yesterday but I still don't want him seeing me all weak again.

He doesn't reply just pulls me in and hugs me tightly.

It's strange how normally if someone comes too close to me I tense up and freak out but I feel so safe in his arms. He doesn't scare me at all.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Pretty long chapter for you guys. Hope you like it, I started it at 10 pm and stayed up until 3 am to write this... YOUR WELCOME. I am so tired I can't even write a long author's note. Please review I love reading them. Follow me on twitter crazyforskittle and now I'm going to bed. Night. :) :) :) :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly**

**Freddie's POV**

Carly came over this afternoon and talked to Sam, they made me leave said it was a 'girl talk' whatever that means. Carly offered for Sam to stay with her tonight but Sam said she felt more comfortable here. I don't mind as long as Sam feels safe.

She walks out of the bathroom in a pair of my joggers and one of my t-shirt and sits on the couch turning the TV on. Even though she's been here one night she's acting like she lives here. I walk over and sit at the side of her.

"You ok?" I ask her.

"Fine, you sure you don't mind me staying here tonight?"

"I don't mind…"

"Thanks, if I go to Carly's she's going to try talking to me even more and I really don't want to talk to her right now."

"But you talked this afternoon?"

"I didn't talk to her, she tried but I wouldn't talk."

"Why not?" I ask her.

"What am I supposed to say?"

"You could talk about why you tried to kill yourself?" I stutter.

"Yeah, hey Carly my Mum likes to beat me up with her boyfriend who also rapes me and because I'm no longer a virgin I'm scared the boy I'm in love with will never…" She suddenly stops realizing what she's saying.

"Sam…"

"You got any food, I'm starving." She says trying to change the subject. She stands up and I grab her wrist to stop her walking away. I pull her to sit back down and she stares at me. I can see the fear in her eyes.

"So, there's a guy?" I ask her.

**Sam's POV**

YES YOU! That's what I want to scream in his face. I realize it's probably a bad idea but he's making me so frustrated. Why can't he just see? I'm in love with him.

"Fine yes there's a guy." I say trying not to make it obvious that I'm talking about him.

"So, this guy does he know you like him?" He asks me.

"No."

"Why not?"

"He doesn't like me. Trust me, he knows all about everything, I'm sure he just thinks I'm a problem."

"I'm sure that's not true…"

"It is, one of the reasons I wanted to die was because he hates me. Do you know what it's like to love someone who hate's every single thing about you?"

"No…"

"Lucky you…" I say and walk into his bedroom closing the door behind me.

There's a chance I've just given one of my biggest secrets away, and for some reason I don't care…

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Short one again sorry. This story is going to be more Seddie soon but I don't want them to suddenly have a relationship. Please keep reviewing let me know what you think, if you have any ideas let me know. Follow me on twitter crazyforskittle Laters :) :) :) :0


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly**

**Sam's POV**

I sat down on Freddie's bed and I just blanked. I realize I could have just given a big secret of mine away, that I'm in love with Freddie. At first I really didn't care but now its hit me, Freddie might now know I like him. I panic because if he figures it out then my life is over. He's going to tell everyone because he hates me, he can use it against me. It will change everything, I'm sure Carly will hate me because of it. This is going to ruin everything! I messed up once again, well done Puckett. I grab my bag and go through it throwing the contents on the floor until I find what I'm looking for. My blade. I bring it down on my wrist and slowly slice it across, the blood leaks out and by the end I have 4 new cuts on my arms.

I don't care that I cut myself. I don't cut myself for no reason, I cut because I deserve to be punished. If I wasn't such a screw up my mother wouldn't have hated me Bill wouldn't have hurt me. All the pain I feel from those cuts I know I deserve.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry about the short chapters and lack of updates will hopefully start updating more. Follow me on twitter crazyforskittle I will follow back. It's late I'm falling asleep so Na'na'nights :) :) :) :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.**

**Freddie's POV**

When Sam went into my room I went over to Carly's. Maybe she has a better idea of what Sam was talking about. I walk in to an empty room just as Carly walks out from upstairs.

"Hey what are you doing here?" Carly asks.

"I need to talk to you." I say.

"OK."

"You and Sam talk about a lot of stuff right?"

"Right." Carly answers in a confused tone.

"Do you ever talk about guys?" I ask.

She doesn't reply just gives me a super confused look.

"Do you ever talk about who you like?" I ask.

"Sometimes. Why?"

"I think Sam likes me." I say.

I can tell by the way Carly's face drops that Sam has never said anything about me to her before.

"You think Sam likes you?" Carly says still in shock.

"We were just at mine talking and she told me that she didn't talk to you earlier because she didn't know what to say." I say. "So we got into a conversation and she told me that there was a guy she likes but he hates her…" I say but Carly cuts me off.

"Freddie, Sam hurts a lot of people on a daily basis I'm sure there are a lot of guys who hate her. She could mean anyone."

"Yeah but the way she said it, it's like she was dropping hints so I would ask her if she meant me."

"Just think about it, do you really think Sam likes you. She hurts you all the time."

"Yeah you're right, Sam liking me that's just insane."

Even though I say it for some reason I feel a little disappointed.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Another short chapter sorry. I'm still stuck on how to take this story further so if you have any ideas please let me no. Thanks for all the reviews and please keep reviewing. I like to know what you think. Follow me on twitter crazyforskittle I will follow back. It's All Hallows Eve (Halloween) I am so excited. I have this obsession with the dead and ghosts so this is my favourite day of the year. Hope you enjoy today. Bye :) :) :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.**

**Sam's POV**

I wake up the next morning in Freddie's bed again. I can hear him walking around in the lounge I don't really want to go out after last night. Who knows what he will say to me. I know eventually I will have to go back out there so I might as well get it over with.

As I walk out I see Freddie sat on the couch watching TV and I join him.

"How'd you sleep?" He asks me.

"Fine, I guess." I reply.

"You doing anything today?" He asks me. I'm sure he doesn't really care just small talk.

"I'm going round to Carly's I think. Why?"

"I was just wondering." He replies and walks into his room closing the door behind him.

I expected him to mention yesterday but he didn't. Not even one word. That just proves he doesn't care about me.

**Carly's POV**

Sam walked in while I was watching TV. She placed herself beside me without saying a word. She looks a little sad.

"Hi, you ok?" I ask her.

"Fine…" She replies.

Now's my chance to ask her about this 'guy' she likes.

"So Freddie came to talk to me last night…" I say. She suddenly looks at me with fear in her eyes.

"He did." She manages to whisper. "What did he say?" She stutters.

Now I know something's wrong Sam Puckett is never nervous. But she has changed, the Sam Puckett I know wouldn't try to kill herself. That proves alone that she's changed.

"That you like a guy..." I whisper, nervous of how she will act. "And he said that's part of the reason you tried to you know."

"Oh…"

'Oh' what kind of answer is that?

"So is it true?" I ask.

"No offence but that's none of your business!" She spits.

"Who is he?" I ask ignoring her previous comment. "Because Freddie has the impression that it's him and I managed to convince him he was crazy but now I'm thinking he might be right…"

**Sam's POV**

Busted!

I don't know what to do I can't escape. How stupid was I telling Freddie all that stuff.

"Sam do you like Freddie?" She asks.

I don't know how to answer do I tell her the truth? Do I lie? Or just avoid the question?

What am I supposed to do now?

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Cliffhanger... Will upload the next part soon. Thanks for all the reviews I'm glad you like the story please keep reviewing. Going to have a lot of seddie in the next couple of episodes so watch out for it. Follow me on twitter crazyforskittle I will follow back if you DM me. That's all for today... Laters :) :) :) :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly**

**Sam's POV**

"Sam do you like Freddie?" Carly asks me.

"Fine, I like Freddie." I admit.

Carly squeaks and runs over hugging me and jumping up and down.

"This is great!" She cries.

"No this is horrible." I moaned.

"Why? If you like Freddie and he likes you back then it's a good thing." She whispers.

"Freddie doesn't like me back!" I point out.

"How do you know that?" She asks. "You ever asked him?"

"No!" I shoot back.

"Just ask Freddie!" She shouts.

"Ask Freddie what?" A voice says from behind me.

I turn around to see Freddie stood in the doorway.

"Nothing." I reply.

"Sam needs to talk to you." Carly shouts before running upstairs.

Freddie sits down on the couch motioning for me to sit at the side of him. I slowly sit down and he just stares at me waiting for me to speak.

"I don't need to talk to you, Carly was just joking." I lie.

"Sam…"

He obviously see's straight through my lie.

I can't handle being rejected by him, not now. He already feel's pity for me I don't need more.

"What do you need to talk to me about?" He asks bringing me out of my daze.

"It's nothing." I shout.

He knows that I'm starting to panic so takes hold of my hand.

I don't know why but that makes me panic more.

**Freddie's POV**

I take hold of Sam's hand trying to calm her down. Every bone in her body tenses up as soon as I touch her. She obviously still scared. I let go of her hand and she moves a little away from me on the couch.

"You ok?" I ask her.

"Fine." She whispers staring down at the ground.

I place a comforting hand on her shoulder and she jumps a little moving even further away from me on the couch until her back hits against the arm rest.

"Sam you're safe now you know." I reassure.

**Sam's POV**

I don't know why I'm freaking out so much. I know it's only Freddie but for some reason I'm in full on panic mode. I can see what happened with Bill happening all over again.

He tries moving closer to me again and I jump away. I realise I can't get any further back so I stand up off the couch walking backwards towards the kitchen.

He also stands up but doesn't try getting any closer to me.

"Sam calm down." He shout's in a panicky tone. "I'm not going to hurt you." He reassures.

He takes my hand and pulls me closer to him so our faces are just inches apart. He leans toward my ear and whispers "You can trust me…"

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry for not uploading for a while I've been a little distracted. Recently my best friend killed herself because of bullying. We went through everything together and have been best friends for the past 8 years. Sorry if I don't upload for a while but my heads not been in a very good place and I've been going through depression again. Please don't abandon the story if I don't upload as much. I don't really know what else to say. R.I.P Alexis (Alex) I love you so much. :'(**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.**

**Freddie's POV**

"You can trust me…" I whisper in her ear. I slowly pull away still holding onto her hands.

After a few minutes she is calm again and has stopped trying to pull away from me.

"So…" I say trying to end the awkward silence. "Sam what was Carly talking about?" I ask her.

"Nothing." She shoots back.

"Sam…" I complain.

Sam opens her mouth to speak but is interrupted by Carly speeding down the stairs towards us.

"This could go on for days." She mumbles to herself. "Freddie, Sam likes you!" Carly shouts.

**Sam's POV**

She told him. My best friend who I thought I could trust told him, and she's not getting away with it.

"Carly!" I scream raising my fist in the air. Freddie grabs my arm to stop me hitting Carly.

"What's that?" Carly asks.

I shake my arm free from Freddie and take a step away from them both.

"What?" I ask.

"Your wrist, I swear I saw something on it." She replies.

"You're wrong." I lie.

"Your sleeve slipped down when you lifted your arm I saw something…"

Now what do I do.

"Sam…" Freddie whispers taking hold of my hand.

I try to pull it away but he won't let me. He roughly pulls up my sleeve exposing my old scars and new cuts.

I can feel tears building up in my eyes. I can see the pity in Carly's eyes. I hate when people look at me like that. It makes me feel useless like they're better than me and I hate it.

"Carly will you give us a minute." Freddie asks.

"Fine." She says as she heads upstairs.

Freddie sits down on the couch pulling me into the seat next to him. I can tell by his face he has no idea what to say.

"So, which one first?" He asks.

"Neither." I answer.

"Ok, so I'll choose." He mumbles. "Do you like me?" He asks.

Can he really be that dumb?

I try to answer but I can't speak so I just nod my head.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asks. Ok it's official he really is dumb.

"Because…" I sigh. "I can't handle you rejecting me. I've only just got over the idea of suicide I don't need any more reas-"

"How do you know I don't like you?" He cuts me off.

"Who would like me?" I laugh. "There's no chance you would like-"

He cuts me off again. But this time it's not with words. He cuts me off by kissing me.

"I like you Sam." He admits.

I swear I'm in so much shock I'm not breathing.

"You do?" I ask. "Because I don't want you just saying that cause you're scared of what will happen if you reject me, I don't need your pity…" I cried.

"Sam, this is no joke." He assured. "I like you."

I feel a tear escape my eyes and he wipes it away off my cheek.

I can't actually believe this is all happening right now. After feeling so alone and hurting for so long things could finally be turning around.

"So what now?"

"Will you be my girlfriend? He asks.

I just died in the moment. I nod to reply because honestly I'm speechless.

"Now this." He says pointing to my wrist.

"You really do know how to ruin a moment Benson." I joke.

"This isn't a joke Sam. Did you do that to yourself?" He asks me.

I just nod again.

"Why?"

"It just helps. Things have been so out of control recently and doing this makes me feel in control. I don't mean to do it I just do."

"It has to stop. You can't keep doing this to yourself."

"It's not that easy. I can't just stop."

"I know you can't, but I'll help you and so will Carly. You can get through this." He says kissing me on the head.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry for not uploading in a while had a lot going on recently. Gunna start uploading more often hopefully. Please keep reviewing I love reading them. Please follow me on twitter crazyforskittle I will follow back. Laters :) :) :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly... :(**

**Sam's POV**

A couple of days have passed since Carly and Freddie found out my "little secret". Since then I've been staying at Freddie's and he's been helping me stop cutting. I do feel I need to do it but luckily whenever I'm in one of those moods Freddie's always there to help me. I'm pulled out of my thought by my phone vibrating in my pocket.

From: Freddie

On my way home, my mum's called she will be back in a couple of weeks my Aunts still not better, looks like it just you and me for a little longer… Lucky me ;)

I have to admit since I've been staying here it's been pretty great. I love living with Freddie we have such a great time together. It's always just the two of us and I love how close we are.

**Freddie's POV**  
>I walk through the door to Sam sat on the couch watching TV. Even though she's staring at the TV it looks like she's in her own world. I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her shoulder bending down so my mouth is inches away from her ear.<p>

"Hey, beautiful." I whisper in her ear.

She doesn't reply just holds my hand and lead me to sit beside her laying her head against my chest

"Are you having a bad day?" I ask running my fingers through her beautiful blonde hair.

She nods and I tilt her head to look at me.

"Let me look" I say referring to her wrists.

I check her wrists sometimes just to make sure there are no new cuts. She sometimes hesitates but shows me in the end.

"Sam."

"What don't you trust me?"

"Show me."

She rolls her sleeves up to her elbows showing me her healing wrists with no new cuts.

Every time I look and realize there are no new cuts I always feel so proud of her. She has her off days but she manages to pull through without turning to her blade anymore.

She pulls her arm away from me and pulls her sleeve back down turning away from me obviously mad.

"I do it because I care…" I say taking hold of one of her hands. "I just want you to get better."

"I'm going to bed it's been a long day." She whispers walking into my bedroom.

**Sam's POV**

I'm laid in Freddie's bed trying to sleep. Today's been a long day and it's been one of my down days I'm just glad it's over.

As I'm just falling asleep I feel two big arms wrap around me from behind and somebody's lips on my neck kissing me.

"I'm sorry you're upset." Freddie whispers in my ear before climbing under the covers with me pulling me back into his arms. "Anything I can do to make you feel better?" He whispers kissing up the side of my neck.

"Yeah you can let me sleep." I shrieked.

"You sure you want to sleep?" He asks. "There's much better stuff we could do instead." He whispers against my neck.

"Good try." I laugh.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: So it's been almost 2 weeks since I updated... :(. Sorry about that. A lots happened recently with a massive fall out with my 'friends' and I've not been in a very good place. But screw the bitches CAUSE I'M BACK! Now to the chapter. It's kinda short not very interesting but I wanted to upload cause it felt like I'd abandoned the story when I really haven't. Will try upload again soon! Follow me on twitter crazyforskittle and I will follow back. That's all. Bye :) :) :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly. :'(**

**Sam's POV**

When I woke up I could feel something on my head. Freddie had left me a note saying he had gone food shopping. It's about time the only thing in the fridge is a 2 week old piece of pizza. I walk into the room and sit on the couch turning the TV on.

Someone knocks on the door really hard, they sound angry. Of course hearing that panic mode sets in for me.

"Get out here you dirty little Bitch! I know you're in there!" An angry voice shouts through the door while still banging on it.

It's not hard to recognize who it is.

**Freddie's POV**

I walk into the apartment carrying the shopping bags. My jaw drops at what I see. Sam was curled up in a ball crying in the corner. I dropped the bags and knelt beside her. I wrap my arm around her back just to be shoved away.

"Get away from me!" She screams jumping to her feet.

"Sam, it's just me calm down." I whisper taking hold of her hand.

"He was here, he wouldn't leave." She whispers between tears.

"Who wouldn't leave, Sam?" I ask even though I'm pretty sure I know who she means.

"Bill, he was outside he kept shouting and trying to get in. He wouldn't leave." She cries.

"It's ok you're safe now. I got you baby." I whisper in her ear pulling her into a hug.

**Sam's POV**

Freddie swears he's not going to let Bill get to me. I don't think he realizes how tough Bill is. He could kill Freddie with one punch and I really don't want that happening. He's in the living room I'm not quite sure what he's doing all he said was 'he's fixing it'. He told me to come lay down, it might calm me down a little. I have the worst headache and I still feel all freaked out from Bill coming here.

Just as I start falling to sleep I hear the bedroom door open. I jump up to see it's just Freddie.

"It's just me." He whispers sitting at the side of me. "How are you feeling?" He asks.

"Scared." I reply.

"You don't need to be, I got you."

He lies down at the side of me pulling me close to him so my head is resting on his chest.

"You're safe." He mumbles kissing my head.

**Freddie's POV**

I waited for Sam to fall to sleep before slipping out. She was really freaking out so I didn't want to leave her until she was asleep. I told her I would fix things but I have absolutely no idea how to. Let's face it he's probably 10x stronger than me. The only thing I can think of is going to the police but I know Sam will never let me do that.

I can't let her live like this though. She gets scared at the slightest thing and after today I'm sure that's about to get worse.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry I've not uploaded in a while. Like I said in the last chapter a lot of stuffs going off and I've not had much time to write. This chapter is short but it's better than nothing. Please keep reviewing let me no what you think. Thank You for all the reviews so far. If you have any ideas for this story let me know in a review or private message. I'm a little stuck on where to take this story. Follow me on twitter crazyforskittle or follow my 'sister' teenagegirlword Bye. :) :) :) :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly.**

**Freddie's POV**

It's been 3 days since Bill came round to the house. He's not been back but Sam is still terrified. She won't let me leave the house and even when we're here she doesn't leave my side. It's obvious she's scared he'll come back. When she goes to bed I have to lay at her side until she's asleep. I hate that he's done this to her. She doesn't deserve this.

**Sam's POV**

I woke up to an empty bed. Freddie must already be awake so I make my way into the living room. I look all around the apartment and can't find him anywhere. That's when I start to panic. I run round the house shouting him. He's nowhere. I can't find him anywhere.

**Freddie's POV**

I walk back into the apartment and Sam's sat on the couch with her back to me. I can hear her crying.

"Sam…" I whisper.

She jumps up and turns around to face me. After staring at me for a few seconds she runs towards me wrapping her arms around my neck.

"Sam, what's wrong?" I ask

"Where were you? I told you never to leave the apartment without me."

"I went to get the mail from the lobby. What's wrong?"

"I thought you were gone. I thought he'd got you." She says breaking down into more tears.

"Sam…" I say pulling her tighter into my chest. "I told you he's not going to get either of us. I promise you."

"You don't know how strong he is." Sam points out.

"No, but I know that no matter how strong he is I am never going to let him hurt you again."

I walk around to the couch and pull Sam into my lap.

"I know you're scared but I promise you, you are safe." I whisper while kissing up her neck.

"What if he comes back?" Sam cries.

"Then I'll protect you. You have nothing to worry about." I say. " Now what you want to do? Watch a movie?" I ask.

"Actually I'm going back to bed. I didn't get much sleep last night I had that dream again."

"Again, that's the fourth time this week." I sigh. "You want me to lie with you for a while?" I ask.

"You do realize I'm going back to bed to sleep?"

"I know."

"Ok then." She grins walking off into the bedroom.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm ALIVE! Sorry for lack of updates I've just not hada lot of time to write and I had serious writers block. For some reason this chapter makes me laugh. I don't know why. Follow me on twitter Crazyforskittle or teenagegirlword let me know what you think. Bye :) :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.**

**Freddie's POV**

It's now been a week since Bill 'visited'. Sam won't leave my side she doesn't even like me being in another room in the apartment to her, she has to be by my side all the time. I don't mind but I don't like seeing her scared. I miss the old Sam, the one who wasn't scared all the time and was loud and funny not crying herself to sleep every night. I tried to convince her to go to the police, get him gone for good, Sam said she'd think about it but that's making things worse. It's on her mind all the time. I just wish there was something I could do.

**Sam's POV**

I sleepily walk out of Freddie's bedroom and Freddie is sat on the couch watching TV. He turns around and waves his hand signalling for me to join him. I sit at the side of him throwing my legs over his lap and resting my head on his chest, his hand tangles into my hair as he starts playing with it.

"Did you have a nice nap?" Freddie asks me.

"No. I had that stupid nightmare again." I say without looking up from the TV. It's not that I'm watching the TV I just can't look him in the eye right now.

"How bad was it?" He asks lifting my chin to make me look at him.

"It was bad enough to make me want to cut. It felt so real." I reply.

I can feel the tears forming in my eyes; one escapes and runs down my cheek. He wipes it away with his thumb and gives me the 'pity look'.

"It's ok. So did you cut?"

"No, I stopped myself and came out here instead."

"Good. Can I look?"

"Why, don't you trust me?" I shoot back.

"You know it's not that baby. I care about you." He stated.

I didn't reply just held out my arm. He pushed up my sleeve and slowly examined my arm before pulling my sleeve back down and resting my arm on my lap.

"I'm proud of you baby." He says giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Do you think he'll come back?" I ask him.

"I think if he does it will be the biggest mistake he's ever made."

"I love you." I whisper kissing him on the lips.

"I love you too." He replies our lips still touching.

As we're just about to kiss again someone knocks on the door. I look at Freddie and he places his hand on my cheek.

"It's ok; I'll see who it is." He whispers removing my legs from his lap and making his way over to the door.

"Who is it?" He shouts through the door.

"It's me." A familiar high pitched voice replies.

Freddie unlocks the door and Carly walks in taking a place on the couch by me.

"I've not seen you two the past week so I thought I'd come say hi make sure you're ok. How are you Sam?" She asks.

It's so embarrassing having people always checking up on me. I hate it.

"I'm fine." I say.

"I was thinking about going shopping. I need to get a new jacket. You interested?"

"I'm busy." I lied. I'm really not in the mood for shopping right now. I also don't want to leave Freddie. What if Bill comes here while I'm gone?

"Sam you have no plans. How are you busy?" Freddie asks me.

"I just am ok." I hinted. He understood what I was hinting, he was pretending not to so that I would go.

"Come on Sam, it'll be fun." Carly encouraged.

"You'll be ok; I'll be here when you get back." Freddie added.

"I don't even have any money." I pointed out.

"I have cash." Freddie said pulling money out of his back pocket and handing it to me.

"Freddie." I cried.

"You'll be fine baby. Go have a good time."

"Fine." I grunted finally giving in. "Keep your phone on just in case anything happens."

"I will." He replies.

**Carly's POV**

There are just a couple more shops to go to now, but at the minute we're taking a break and having some food. I can tell Sam doesn't want to be here, she's always in her own little world but I honestly don't care. It's good for her to be away from Freddie for once. I understand he's helped her with a lot of things including the self-harm and all the horrible things Pam and Bill did to here but that doesn't mean she has to rely on him all the time. She needs to remember she's her own person and being away from him for a couple of hours will make her see she doesn't always need Freddie to be safe.

"Sam, I know you don't want to be here but you could at least pretend you do."

"Are you almost ready to go? I don't want to leave Freddie for too long." She replies completely ignoring what I said.

"When we get back Freddie will be exactly the same as he was when we left, stop worrying about him."

"Like I said are you almost ready to go? I want to get back to Freddie."

"Do you have some problem with me? Because since we found out about all this and you attempted Suicide you've been acting as if you hate me. Have I done something to upset you?" I whisper not wanting people around us to hear.

"I don't want to talk about this Carls." She snapped.

"You're my best friend Sam, I love you. Why are you mad at me?"

"Because this is your fault." She says a little too loud catching the attention of a few people around us.

"What's my fault?" I ask confused.

"This. Everything I'm feeling right now." She whispers in an angry tone.

"It's not like I made you're mum and Bill do that stuff, it's not like I did any of that stuff to you." I remind her.

"Maybe you didn't start this, but I had the chance to end this. I had the chance to end this pain I feel every day and end this stupid urge I have to cut. I could have ended it all. I could be in a much better place right now and not be living in terror and pain but I'm not because of you."

"You mean because I stopped you killing yourself? I did that because I love you. I don't want to lose you."

"Exactly! You were being selfish. You did it because you didn't want to lose me. You didn't think about me."

I feel my heart drop. I never knew she hated me like this. I didn't know she blames me.

"I have to go home now." She stated. "Well not home, since I don't have one." She adds and walks away.

I hate that she feels this way. I never wanted her to hate me she's like a sister to me. I can't believe she feels like that.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: HAPPY NEW YEAR! Sorry that it's been a while but with Christmas then the new year I've not had much time to write. I was planning to upload yesterday but it was my birthday so I didn't get chance. This chapters a little longer than the others so I hope I've made up for making you wait so long. Will upload soon I promise. Please review I love reading them, if you have any ideas let me know. Follow me on twitter crazy for skittle or my joint account teenagegirlword Not it's almost midnight I've just finished watching Taylor swift tour DVD with my best friend and I want some sleep. There's some pointless information for you. Night :) :) :) :)**


	17. Chapter 17

Sorry if you were expecting another chapter. I know I've not uploaded for a while but honestly I can't right now. I'm taking a break from this story. Everything at the minute is getting too much for me and it's making me ill and stressed and I'm struggling with food again. I just don't see the point in life anymore and I just thought I'd let you know why I've not uploaded in a while. This isn't me looking for sympathy or anything like that; this is me just stating facts. My life is just such a mess and I just want to give up. Sorry :(


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.**

**Sam's POV**

Tears stream down my face as I walk through Seattle. I can't believe I just completely lost it with Carly and told her everything I felt. I don't know where to go right now. I could go back to Freddie's but what if Carly's already there talking to him. I can't handle them both right now. So I just keep walking.

**Freddie's POV**

"She blames me! She wishes she was dead, and blames me because I was the one who stopped her!" Carly shouts.

I thought she was getting over this, I didn't know she was still in pain. She promise me no more secrets.

"Where is she now?" I ask.

"I don't know, she left ahead of me. I thought she'd be here." Carly replies.

**Sam's POV**

How did life get like this? How did I end up with no one? I'm curled up in a ball on some broken old bench, its midnight and freezing and I have nowhere to go. I wouldn't be surprised if it started to rain. I don't know how I ended up like this, how I managed to screw my life up so much, how I pushed everyone who ever cared about me away. Suddenly a warm feeling hits me. I open my eyes and find a jacket over the top of me. The next thing I know I feel two strong arms wrapping around me, I couldn't mistake this feeling. I know exactly who it is.

"Freddie?" I manage to say through shivers.

"Come on baby, let's get you home."

He pulls me up and leads me towards his car. I don't want to go with him, but I'm too tired to put up a fight. I feel weak and I'm too cold to speak, even if I tried fighting back it's obvious he'd win right now. I don't have the strength.

**Freddie's POV**

"Where is she? You said she was here." Carly shouts as she enters my living room. "You said she was here Freddie!" She shouts a little louder.

"Keep it down." I reply standing up and walking over to Carly. "I found her around midnight, brought her back here and she went straight to bed. She was too tired to talk."

"So where is she now?" Carly asks.

"Still asleep." I reply.

Just then Sam walked out of my room in one of my shirts.

"Hey baby." I say walking over to Sam and kissing her cheek.

"What's she doing here?" Sam asks in a panicky tone.

"Come sit down Sam." I say taking her hand and leading her over to the couch. We both sit down while Carly stays by the door.

"Did you tell him?" Sam yells staring straight at Carly. "Did you?" She screams even louder.

"Carly maybe you should give us a minute." I suggested.

"Sure." Carly replied as she walked out the door.

"Come on then. It's just me and you now." I urged.

**Sam's POV**

"You realize you can't blame Carly for what she did. Would you have hated me if it was me who found you first and stopped you? Or spencer? Would you hate us?" He asks me.

"I don't know." I reply, staring down at the floor.

"Talk to me Sam, I want to help you."

"You want to help me?" I yell, finally losing it. "You can't help me, no one can help me. Don't you get it? I'm messed up in the head, Freddie. No one can help me. I have to live like this with all these stupid memories going round in my head all the time. I'm never going to be ok. No matter how much you try and help me nothing is ever going to change. I'm always going to be this freak and I had a chance to end it. I had a chance to end all this stupid pain I go through everyday, and it would have worked if it wasn't for her. I would be in such a better place right now, but she stopped me and everyday I blame her for everything I feel. I don't know if it would have been the same if you found me, honestly it probably would have. If she'd let me kill myself I would feel all this right now would I, I'd be in such a better place. That what you want to know? Course it isn't."

By now the tears were pouring down my face, I could see tears in the corner of Freddie's eyes too, he was obviously struggling to hide them. The apartment was filled with an awkward silence as he just stared at me. His face was blank; I didn't know what was happening. Was he Mad? Or Just upset? There's no emotion on his face. It's getting a little uncomfortable now, I don't like him staring at me, it makes me feel so self-conscious. I nervously start fiddling with the bottom of my shirt, not knowing what else to do.

After a couple more seconds he takes my hands in his pulling them away from my shirt and stares straight into my eyes. I feel so naked, I feel exposed, like everything is now out in the open and I can't hide from him.

"I know you hate the world right now, but it isn't always going to be like this. You might not see it right now, but things will get better for you. Carly knew that and that's why she stopped you, you want to give up your life before it's even really begun. You're still a teenager, you've still got so many years ahead of you. One day you won't even remember how you feel right now, you'll be so happy. I'm going to be with you through it all ok, remember that. Remember that no matter how alone you feel, you've still got me. I can only help you if you're actually honest with me."

I didn't reply to that. Neither of us said anything for the rest of the night, just stayed there on the couch, me curled up against his chest. The TV was on but neither of us were really watching it, we were both lost in thought. It made me realize though, I might not have a mum and dad who care about me, or a normal family home. I might not be beautiful and smart and perfect, but it doesn't matter, because I know all I need is what I already have. Freddie.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yes, I am alive! Sorry that I've not uploaded in a long time, but when I uploaded the last authors note I was in a really bad place. I've had help though and right now I'm doing great. Thank you for understanding. This chapter is quite long so I hope that makes up for the time I've not uploaded. Will start uploading more often again. Let me know what you think, leave a review. I love reading them and I hope you've not all abandoned me. Bye :D :D**


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